#15: Confess, Fletch (2022)

It befuddles me how this slipped out of existence with nary a peep. Granted, the reputation of the franchise suffered from everyone’s discovery of what a creep Chevy Chase was, but this is a perfect Jon Hamm role that lets him embrace both his leading man charm and his wackier side.

I dunno man I would watch one of these a week if they kept making them. But I guess there is no chance of that. Just good solid fun featuring one of our most charismatic leading men.

#14: Totally Killer (2022)

Look, I’m just a sucker for this crap, ok? Someone makes one of these movies, I’m gonna watch it, and I’m gonna love it. Yes, it’s theoretically possible that all of these movies are creative and well acted and interestingly written….or I just have a type. Maybe both?

I dunno, I should just stop worrying about it and just be glad that I live in a world where relatively narrow interests can be spoon-fed over and over.

#13: Theater Camp (2023)

The kind of movie you only find at Sundance or randomly on the third screen of new movies on Hulu.

Sadly I could not find a picture of the giant papier-mache nose that the above stream of cocaine was being fed into, or a picture of the “fosse kids.” Everyone is perfect, the script is non-stop silly joy, and it’s just pitch-perfect for theater kids and grown-up theater-kids.

#12: Oppenheimer (2023)

Incredibly impressive and absorbing, Murphy totally deserved the Oscar, the film looks gorgeous, and it’s not afraid to confront the big issues. But honestly I thought that the black-and-white part of the narrative was too much of a redemption arc that didn’t feel truly needed.

#11: Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

One 135-minute long in-joke for me and mine. God bless everyone involved in this triumph.

Up Next: The Top 10!

_{Is You Taking Notes on a Criminal Fucking Movie Ranking?}

#20: La noire de… (1966)

Devastating.

#19: Skinamarink (2022)

Holeeeeeee shit, is this fucked up.

I am a strong proponant of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, and as such I support any circumstances in watching a movie. It can be hard to find the time to go to the theater and it can be harder to drag ourselves away from our phones and our chores and everything else that is going on in life and just focus on a movie. But this is one of those cases where you absolutely cannot have your focus split and get anything out of the film. There are maybe three moments, each of which last maybe 2 seconds, that really make the whole thing work instead of just being a creepy atmosphere.

Anyway, yikes man. Be prepared to turn all the lights on in the house after watching.

#18: Ugetsu Monogarati (1953)

The subplots here are more intricate and carefully woven than the main stories of most movies. Universal stories told through specific human-level experiences, gorgiously shot in beautiful black and white. I was shocked when I looked back and saw that it was barely over 90 minutes long – not because it felt any longer but because I remember so much meaningful stuff that I had assumed it must’ve been 3+ hours. Treat yourself.

#17: Aftersun (2022)

Bravura performances by Paul Mescal and Frankie Corio as the too-young dad and the wise-beyond-her-years daughter. That makes it sound far too much like a bunch of other movies though – you’ve never seen it as real as this. Vulnerable and raw but trying to put up a good face for his daughter – you have to wonder the extent of his knowledge regarding what was coming after this trip. He desperately wants to be a good father but plainly doesn’t know how.

#16 Barbie (2023)

I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said a million times over. With apologies to Sundance, doing Barbenheimer back to back in the theaters was my favorite movie-going experiences of 2023.

Mojo Dojo Casa House!

Up Next: The Top 15!

#25: Eastern Promises (2007)

Maybe Cronenberg should just cut it out with all the body horror stuff? This is a taut, compelling action/thriller with a great story, solid performances, and extremely well-filmed action scenes. If, like me, you waited far too long to see this, rectify that mistake at your earliest convenience.

#24: The Killer (2023)

Deconstruction of the hit man movie that is also a great hit man movie. I love these films where on the surface it’s just doing the thing but upon reflection it’s making a bigger point.

Fassbender is excellent, particularly in the voice-over which you come to realize is describing how he thinks of himself and not how he actually behaves.

#23: Safety Last (1923)

Grade-A slapstick fun. Not quite at the level of Chaplin’s best but really a bucket of fun.

#22: They Look Like People (2015)

One of the best portrayals of serious mental illness I’ve seen since…well, Black Swan at least. Unfortunate that this creative team seems to have kind of flamed out after this, which was amazingly well-done for a first-time effort that must’ve had a budget of around $5,000.

#21: Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning, Part One (2023)

I could watch these movies all day and then start over and watch them again all night.

Up Next: We Ain’t Gotta Dream No More, Man (Part III)

Now we’re really into the good stuff. The ones that I’ll not just recommend but that I’ll judge you, at least a little, if you don’t like it too.

#32: Red Eye (2005)

Is Rachel McAdams a great actor? I think she might be a great actor.

This is well written and well filmed and tense and fun but it’s Cillian Murphy and especially McAdams who really sell it. I heard about this as a forgotten classic and after watching it I don’t know why it wasn’t a big hit. I mean, I don’t want to oversell it, it’s just a suspense thriller it’s not a masterpiece, but it’s just a fantastic example of the type.

#31: Nimona (2023)

I will admit that I’m not fully impartial here, as I loved loved loved the original Nimona comic and have become a massive fan of ND Stevenson’s work in general. Got this for Avery back in the day too.

Anyway, the movie is a faithful and excellent realization of the book in movie form and I could not recommend it enough.

#30: Sherlock Jr. (1924)

Now, see, this is an actually *good* Buster Keaton movie. I still prefer Chaplin generally, but there is an inventiveness and kindness of spirit here that I found lacking in The General (possibly because the setting and sympathies of the movie were just too much for me). But this was delightful.

#29: Asteroid City (2023)

Boy, if you’re not on Wes Anderson’s wavelength you probably hate these movies and wonder what the hell everyone else is doing going on about them. Overly mannered and twee as all get out and I just adore them. Even the stuff that doesn’t really make sense (see alien, above) or that is overly complicated (a movie within a play within a movie?), I just buy in, all the way, every time.

This is no Isle of Dogs, and it’s certainly not a Fanastic Mr. Fox, but it’s a great, fun little film, definitely better than the French Dispatch (the only Anderson joint that felt like a misfire).

#28: Talk To Me (2023)

And actual original horror movie that actually delivers the goods? Extremely impressive debut from a couple of internet screw-ups that managed to talk their way into an indie budget and then got their film purchased by the beloved A24. It loses steam a little around the 2/3 point when the characters develop plot stupidity, but the ending is satisfying and the concept is great. I look forward to more.

#27: Afflicted (2013)

It’s not exactly a surprise what is going on here, although I’m not going to give it away since I don’t have to. What’s more interesting is that the movie does not back down from exploring all of the ramifications and doing so in a way that feels emotionally real.

#26: Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2023)

A formulaic murder mystery, but so much fun and so well done, and something freaking original for once instead of the 47th redone Agatha Christie or something.

Up Next: More Great Movies!

#37: Pulse (2001)

Man does Japan do the best ghost stories or what? Hauntingly terrifying as the world collapses in on itself.

I do think that part of what draws me to them is not feeling as comfortable that I know what is going to happen. In most US movies you have a sense of how out there they are going to get within 20 or so minutes of the film starting, and you generally know that big stars are going to stay around and are unlikely to do anything too shocking, but not knowing any of that makes the options feel limitless.

Anyway, excellent movie if you’re in the mood for a depressing spiritual freakout.

#36: Nothing Compares (2022)

I think we all know that Sinead got an incredibly raw deal back in the day. Not only was the reaction to her actions drastically overstated, she was right of course about more or less all of it.

This documentary makes it all clear but doesn’t rub your face it in. Instead it’s both a celebration of an incredibly talented musician and an exploration of her background and career beyond the superficial. It’s more or less the best possible musician profile documentary.

#35: Team America: World Police (2004)

I mean, you already know if you’re going to like this or not. It’s stupid and offensive and also hysterical. There is a not-insignificant number of times where I went “holy crap, did they really do that???”

Honestly deserved being this high just for “Montage.”

#34: Au Hansard Balthazar (1966)

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat their defenseless donkey. 😡

#33: Oldboy (2003)

A great mystery surrounded by a great action movie. If by any chance you haven’t seen this and don’t know anything about it, don’t learn anything and go see it.

Although it’s still great even if you know the mystery. I saw the incredibly faithful (and good!) 2013 remake with Josh Brolin a few years ago and still loved this.

Having said that, this isn’t the top-rated Park Chan-wook movie on this year’s list.

Up Next: The Great Movies!

#43: Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021)

I hate cringe comedy and boy this looked like a prime example. This had great reviews but I was extremely dubious. Turns out that I needn’t have been concerned. This is just pure joy. You’re not laughing with the characters, really, but you’re definitely not laughing at them either. Just a whole mess of crazy infectious nonsense.

#42: Becky (2020)

Granted, I am a particular sucker for this kind of movie, but I don’t know how this wasn’t a big hit. Lulu Wilson is the perfect Buffy-esque teen just trying to defend herself and her hopeless loser dad when a band of neo-Nazis led by Kevin James (?!?) invades their house and tries to ensure that they don’t tell anyone what they’ve seen.

Not exactly a bunch of surprises here but it’s skillfully done, the performances are good, and the action is highly enjoyable.

#41: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

Totes adorbs.

#40: Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Talk about a change of perspective. This is grim as all hell, and the ending is almost as bleak as it could be short of blowing up a bus full of puppies or something. But the performances are just so so great and the tension never lets up. Who knew that Amy Ryan could play such a compelling sleaze?

#39: La Jetee (1962)

Revolutionary and hallucinatory science fiction. Watching this you’re simultaneously watching things that have percolated down to every other science fiction movie over the last 50-plus years. But in many ways they’re mostly still trying to catch up to this.

#38: The Wrath of Becky (2023)

The sequel picks up literally right where the first one left off, and ramps up the giddy madness to 11. Becky is mighty pissed about how things went down the last time, and she is going to goddamn make it right.

Up Next: The Final Entry to this Overly-Long Category

#49: The Ascent (1977)

The grim Soviet film that gave Soviet films a reputation for being grim in the first place.

Beautifully shot and you feel for the desperate people forced into no-win situations but man oh man you have to be ready for this before watching it.

#48: Haunt (2019)

Homemade-feeling horror thriller finds a way to make its lack of budget work for it. Doesn’t waste time on a lot of backstory but just throws you into the action and chills and keeps on going. I wouldn’t say it was fun, exactly, but wildly engaging.

#47: The Gift (2000)

Cute little quasi-supernatural mystery that succeeds by having every member of it’s case knock it out of the park – Blanchette and Kinnear of course, but the minor characters too – Keanu is just the right level of menacing, Hilary Swank is desperate but interesting, even Giovanni Ribisi is compelling.

But of course the whole thing really comes together with Katie Holmes. I watch this performance and I wonder why she didn’t become a bigger star. Every moment she’s on screen the energy level goes up and I found myself thinking about her character the whole movie.

#46: Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Crazy-ass action-horror-western. Not for the faint of heart.

I am not a fan of S. Craig Zahler’s politics but boy can the man make an action movie.

#45: Solaris (2002)

Hated by contemporary audiences who had no idea that they weren’t coming in to see a George Clooney space action shoot-em-up, I enjoyed this thoughtful Americanized remake much more than the original Russian version. Call me crazy, but I can do without the 30-minute driving-to-work scene in the original. Some of Clooney’s best work here.

#44: Crank (2006)

Hahahahahahahahahaha. They don’t get much batshit crazier than this!

Up Next: I Have Conquered Self-Doubt and Seized Personal Growth (Part VI)

#55: You Hurt My Feelings (2023)

Just a simple, sweet little movie featuring likable people in low-stakes situations. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is so so great, which I’m sure will come as a tremendous surprise to all of you. The kind of movie people think about when they say that they don’t make movies like this anymore. Highly recommended for your parents.

#54: Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023)

More silly fun. Love to see Aubrey Plaza killing it. More or less the entire cast is just barely on the right side of too ridiculous (okay, maybe Hugh Grant went over the edge but for him it was a comparatively restrained performance).

#53: The Venture Bros.: Radiant in the Blood of the Baboon Heart (2023)

On one hand, this is just an extra-long episode of The Venture Bros. On the other hand, The Venture Bros. is awesome, so just deal with it.

#52: Shotgun Wedding (2022)

Disposable but much better than it needed to be. Every cast member is used to perfection, including Lenny Kravitz in totally d-bag mode (see above). Looks like a classic “folding laundry” movie but the performances just boost it way higher.

#51: Ich bin dein Mensch (2021)

Dan Stevens is your perfect robot mate! But what if you’re not sure what you want? How does your boyfriend, programmed to give you what you want, deal with that?

The film really doesn’t feel like a philosophy exercise, but it does leave you thinking about this stuff in a not-unpleasant way. Very European movie though.

#50: A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014)

At some point Liam Neeson played someone who wasn’t a ruthless killer of some sort, right? I mean, he must have done Shakespeare at some point.

Anyway, this is a really good noir and it even has Dan Stevens again! Hooray for the Dan Stevens Fan Club!

Up Next: I Have Conquered Self-Doubt and Seized Personal Growth (Part V)

#61: Safe (2012)

Don’t make Jason Statham angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

This can’t approach the insane highs of Crank, but it’s a quality entry in the “Super Tough Guy Kills a Whole Bunch of Dudes While Protecting a Kid” cinematic universe. The kid is cute and….well, look, I think the John Wick movies have forced us all to admit to ourselves that watching a charismatic tough guy wail on a whole bunch of bad guys is enjoyable.

#60: The King of Comedy (1982)

One of those older movies that I’ve seen without having seen it. I mean, Joker obviously couldn’t have been made without this being first, but so much of the common culture has absorbed this film at this point.

As for the movie itself, De Niro’s obviously essential but Jerry Lewis is shockingly excellent as the incredibly world-weary and lonely Jerry Langford. Really made the whole thing work for me.

#59: My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

So, yes, it’s great, but apparently this is the extent of my childlike wonder.

#58: WHAM! (2023)

Genuinely interesting and occasionally surprising, this documentary is probably more interesting to me because I liked the music, but I think it would be good for anyone interested in what the industry was like in the early ‘80s.

This was clearly made with the deep participation of Andrew Ridgeley, but even leaving aside that bias (it’s not too ridiculous – he is quick to admit that George was the bigger talent) it does seem that he was a bigger part of the story than post-WHAM! events would lead you to believe.

Although the discovery that really blew my mind was that Ridgeley was…a massive womanizer? It was apparently in all the scandal sheets and whatnot? Who knew???

#57: Cat Person (2023)

One of the things I like about Sundance is that you get to see stuff so early in the process that you can’t know anything about the developing consensus. So I will now admit that, while everyone apparently decided to turn this into a hatefest (the Flop House episode on it was very funny), I really liked this movie.

I mean, yes, it’s not perfect, but everything important in this felt true to me – Margot feeling like it’s her duty to make Robert comfortable and to make him feel important, his total and utter cluelessness and sense of entitlement, the pretty-much omnipresent sense that she could be in danger at any time.

Anyway, I liked it a lot. More than literally anyone else I know who saw it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#56: Cleo de 5 a 7 (1962)

Ain’t no day in the life movie like a French New Wave day in the life movie, yo.

Up Next: I Have Conquered Self-Doubt and Seized Personal Growth (Part IV)

#67: Reptile (2023)

Just a really well-done mystery/crime procedural. I like a movie that knows how to use its assets and this is a great role for Benicio del Toro to seethe and brood and generally be indecipherable while suggesting multiple layers of hidden depths. And Justin Timberlake was born to play a nice looking shyster who isn’t half as smart as he thinks he is.

#66: Sunshine (2007)

I am a sucker for a good old moral dilemma that makes people go totally crazy-nuts under the stress. The movie is let down a bit by the somewhat rote ending, but the rest of the movie was full of fun tension with a feeling that almost anything could happen.

#65: M3GAN (2023)

Standard goofy fun. Chucky as an AI girl doll gone rogue. Nothing truly original or surprising but it does a good job hitting all the notes you would expect.

#64: Stowaway (2021)

It is well known that I’m a sucker for Anna Kendrick. The script does a solid job of addressing the fundamental dilemma here, even though the list of things that go wrong in order to make it as dire as they need it to be is pretty extensive. But if you can get past that and just accept it then it’s an interesting watch with excellent performances.

#63: Sharper (2023)

Everyone is playing everyone all the time, and they are all doing it well. So many schemes within schemes that you can never figure them all out, yet it all holds together at the end. Shamefully buried and lost on Apple+.

#62: Predestination (2021)

A big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

Sarah Snook and Ethan Hawke elevate what could’ve been Heinlein gobbledygook (this was adapted – no idea how loosely – from one of his short stories) into a compelling tale.

Up Next: I Have Conquered Self-Doubt and Seized Personal Growth (Part III)