#51: Ender’s Game (2013)

A little fascist for comfort these days to be honest, but whether it’s due to good filmmaking or my lingering love of the book from when I was a kid, I enjoyed this quite a bit. I have to wonder what a filmed version of Speaker for the Dead would be like. I kept unconsciously comparing this to Starship Troopers, which is really not fair to either one of them, but this is much more comfortable to watch.

#50: Immaculate (2024)

Sydney Sweeney plays a devout nun….and things happen, as you may have guessed from the image above. Reasonably conventional horror/suspense thriller with some obvious forebears but Sweeney is really good and this gets bumped way the heck up for the perfect ending.

#49: The MEG (2018)

It’s difficult for a movie like this to walk the line between taking itself serious enough to make you care about what happens to the characters while still being able to acknowledge the ludicrousness of the whole premise so you’re not sitting there yelling “C’mon!” at the screen. The MEG pretty much nails this, helped massively by the perfect lead performance for this kind of movie by Jason Statham. Just don’t tell the movie about the square-cube law.

#48: Romeo + Juliet (1996)

Silly but mostly in a fun way. Amazingly they really do all manage to sell the dialogue even with importing it to semi-modern times (maybe truly modern 1996 I guess). And it has all of the good features of being a Baz Luhrmann joint with very few of the tedious ones. Of course it helps to have an incredible cast. Even the really ludicrous parts left me smiling just because they were really selling them.

#47: The Fall Guy (2024)

This movie answers the eternal question: what would it be like if professional stunt men could actually do all of those dangerous stunt in real life with no wires or nets or anything else. Seriously, apparently being a stunt man is essentially like having super powers.

Anyway, this is lots of fun but it’s all the attitude and the performances – the script is not as good as the vibes, but the vibes are great and it’s good fun. Honestly, I have no idea why Other Tom thinks he’s so much better than this movie. Damn shame, really.

#46: They Cloned Tyrone (2023)

You gotta read the sign above to really get a sense for this movie. It’s some kind of weird combination of “Repo Man,” “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka,” and “Get Out” maybe? This got absolutely no press but I am so happy I found this when it came out on Netflix. In many ways this is just a slightly better version of Fall Guy in that they are largely trying for the same kind of thing and this one holds together a bit more and the little bits that make it all work are just a little better.

Seriously though, presuming you’ve never heard of this since the algorithm promoted it for like 4 seconds, go find this and give it a watch. It’s a good time, and Joe-Bob would recommend it.

Up Next: Well Good For You, I Guess You’re Gettin’ Everything You Want (Part II)

#57: Scream VI (2023)

Nice continuation of the reboot of the series, playing like crazy off all the sequel tropes. I enjoyed the museum of all the prior crimes, which would be really sick in a world where the Ghostface Killer(s) were mass murderers. I missed a lot of the prior sequels but 1, 2, this one, and the one that hasn’t been seen on the list yet are all quality.

#56: His House (2020)

Somehow combines the stark (and terrible) realities of the modern refugee experience, the long-reaching after-effects of trauma, and a solid ghost story. You’re never sure quite who to trust, which also fits the overall themes. Just really well done.

#55: Sightseers (2012)

Juuuuuuuust this side of too sick and depraved. Okay, actually it’s actually a bit over the line. Ben Wheatley, man, dude is sick. This isn’t close to his masterpiece Kill List, presumably because he also wrote that one and only directed this, but still. This is rather British, so be forewarned….you know, if that would turn your off of this more than the murders.

#54: Dune: Part Two (2024)

Honestly kind of underwhelming? I mean, yes, the sand worms were incredible and the scenery and set design is great, but….I dunno, it felt a little hollow? Perhaps it’s because Austin Butler’s Feyd was just SO MUCH more interesting than Chalamet’s something-of-a-cypher Maud’Dib? In a way I almost want more of David Lynch’s atrocity to have made it into this one.

#53: The Death of Stalin (2017)

Really good but less overtly funny than I was expecting – more of a “huh, yeah, that’s actually pretty dead on” than a gut-buster. Definitely the right call to not bother with Russian or accents.

#52: Non-Stop (2014)

Man when did Liam become the reliable action star guy? Was it immediately after Taken? Or was it gradually and then all at once suddenly?

Anyway, this is big fun with a nice “who can you actually trust” vein running through it. I’m not giving away anything to say that you never really know who to trust, but they handle it very well and many good performances.

Up Next: Well Good For You, I Guess You’re Gettin’ Everything You Want (Part I)

#63: Civil War (2024)

Okay, look, I know that they did it on purpose because they wanted the movie to actually be about being a war photographer (for some goddamn reason), but this is just so goddamn insane. A Texas/California alliance? What??? And all those Midwest states aligning with the East Coast? The hell? (Also I guess Alaska and Hawaii are “loyalist”?)

Anyway, the movie itself was pretty good but honestly I kept trying to work out the politics behind it and it was a mess there. Dunst is good but the script doesn’t really do her any favors. The big standout was Plemons, even though he really only has one scene. That guy can do quietly menacing realllllll good.

#62: The Beekeeper (2024)

About as good as an action (ahem) Bee-movie can, um….bee? Not trying to be anything that it isn’t, some good action scenes, Statham is always up for a good time. Thankfully they don’t go very deep into the whole beekeeper mythology, and there is definitely righteousness in the scummy bad guys being taken down here.

#61: Fast Charlie (2023)

Pierce Brosnan as an aging mob enforcer out for revenge? Sign me up, please. Doesn’t really nail the ending but the ride is more than fun enough to make it worthwhile.

#60: 2 Guns (2013)

Nothing really here aside from the charisma and affability of Denzel and Wahlberg….but they have a lot of charisma and affability, so this is a pretty fun watch. I do enjoy movies where good people are just set loose to have a good time (or at least when quality filmmakers make a movie using talented people that give that impression).

#59: Syriana (2005)

Very good but suffers from a bit too much plot – it has the feel of a very intricate jigsaw puzzle and it takes a lot of the humanity away from things as there isn’t much time to get much into most of the characters. The exception being Clooney but is doing some of his best work here, even if I tend to actually enjoy him more as looser characters like Danny Ocean.

#58: The Final Girls (2015)

I don’t know how I missed this since it plays right into a bunch of things I like a whole lot. It’s not as bad as having totally whiffed on Cabin in the Woods for a few years but still. This isn’t particularly well executed, but it’s silly and they are having fun with it and the concept is entirely my jam. I mean, it’s not better than Syriana or something, you’d have to be crazy to suggest something like that, but a very enjoyable watch.

Up Next: Don’t Give Up, I Know You Can Make It Good (Part III)

So we’ve made it to the portion of the list where I genuinely liked the movies. Hooray!

#69: Milli Vanilli (2023)

Interesting documentary about a fairly sad story when you get right down to it. These guys didn’t so much perpetrate a fraud as they were dragged along by the album into a pre-made setup, and when it all inevitably came crashing down they were left alone and vilified without support. Having said that, they really aren’t very talented when it comes to it – the scenes of them singing unassisted are pretty horrid. Sorry, guys.

#68: Run All Night (2015)

Liam Neeson has a particular set of skills….and it’s playing guys like this. There is enough extra goodness in the performances here – Ed Harris as the bad guy always elevates the material, but at the end of the day this is just a solid example of a movie you’ve seen many times before. Keep your expectations mild and you’ll be pleased.

#67: Mean Girls (2024)

Renee Rapp kills it, but this is a strange property all the way. Very devoted to the original but with songs inserted, but then marketed as though it was just a straight remake instead of a musical. I can’t remember a single one of the songs now, and I like musicals. But it’s a solid version of the movie with some updates and great performances and I had a good time watching it.

#66: Monkey Man (2024)

No, not the strange Robbie Williams biopic, this was Dev Patel’s wrestling / action / thriller where he disguises himself with a monkey mask while trying to bring down the corrupt regime. I do love myself a nice one-man-wrecking-crew revenge tale, and there are some good action scenes even if the overall plot doesn’t make just a ton of sense.

#65: The Marvels (2023)

Speaking of movies that don’t make just a ton of sense….

The cast is great, especially Iman Vellani and Brie Larson, and I very much appreciated the focus on having fun, but this project still suffers from being made while the studio was trying to pivot from Multiverse Mania, everything-is-tied-together mega stories and being unable to lower the stakes once the universe was threatened however many movies ago.

#64: The Instigators (2024)

There is a lot to like in this film but there is a bit too much going on for it to spend enough time developing any one part of it deep enough for it to be any more compelling. I think the idea of quasi-kidnapping the therapist sounded like a better idea in the writer’s room that it played on the screen – they really should’ve just dropped it (and thus had more time for the heist, the setup, or the relationship between the guys, or a bunch of other stuff.

Up Next: Don’t Give Up, I Know You Can Make It Good (Part II)

#74: Sympathy for the Devil (2023)

Cage at his most “hoo-ah!” Pacino impression, but this is better than you would expect just from that set-up. It’s normally difficult to have too much suspense when it’s just two guys in a car for most of the run time but they fill it up well.

#73: Slash / Back (2022)

The alien stuff is kind of silly but the friendship among the girls and the portrayal of the town as a whole is fascinating. Sometimes you just need a genre overlay to get people (myself definitely included) that they would otherwise never consider watching. My understanding is that the girls are all non-professional actors, which is amazing.

#72: Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (2024)

With one highly notable exception, I am not normally a concert film kind of guy, which is probably why this is ranked so low. The actual concert experience was utterly fantastic and I could rave about it at length – just as a display of physical and athletic prowess, 3+ non-stop hours of singing, dancing, costume changes, and all of it is amazing. I assume she trained for the tour by singing her entire catalogue while running on a fast-moving treadmill or something.

Anyway, this is a lot of fun and very well done and of course you always end up with a favorite dancer to watch (Kameron Saunders stan all the way) but like almost all concert films it doesn’t have a story feel to it like a true movie should. Still damn fun to watch though.

#71: Alphaville: une etrange aventure de Lenny Caution (1965)

Jean-Luc Goddard’s take on a dystopian sci-fi noir thriller about science vs emotion. Much more interesting than it is engaging. I’m certain that there are theses out there that you could read about it if you want a take.

#70: Trap (2024)

Josh Hartnett embracing his good boy looks while playing actual hidden creeps underneath is pretty great, and he is awesome at it here. The first two thirds is good wholesome silly fun – it’s all terribly ludicrous – a special unscheduled daytime concert from an international superstar, he just happens to run into the very specific people in this mega-arena who can give him the information he needs, he happens to overhear important details in conversations that are taking place in open corridors for no reason.

But enough of that, it’s fine, you just shouldn’t try to take it too seriously. That’s really not a problem. The problem is that the last third is pretty bad – Night’s kid makes a pretty solid pop star diva, but she is not nearly good enough of an actress to have the plot hinge on her.

Look story short – assuming we’re not going to get another Sixth Sense out of him, more like this from Night would be great. Mostly silly fun and great performance from Hartnett.

Up Next: Don’t Give Up, I Know You Can Make It Good (Part I)

#79: Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

I think this has stretched this series to the point where it’s still fun but it won’t be by the time the next one rolls around. The one thing that is took semi-seriously is the multiverse shenanigans, which we were all sick of about 5 years ago now. Plenty of laughs, some quality casting gags, and I have to admit that it was nice to see wolvie on screen in the yellow costume. But no more please.

#78: Abigail (2024)

Fun, but it’s really just a one-note concept. If, somehow, you could see it without having any idea what it was really about, it would probably go up a full letter grade. I should like a movie featuring Dan Stevens and Kathryn Newman more than this, but they really only invested in one character. Alisha Weir does give a really good performance but the script kind of gives up being inventive after the “twist.”

#77: MEG 2: The Trench

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Haha. Heh. Hee hee hee.

#76: The Bank Job (2008)

Back to back Statham!

Right proper ol’ banger innit now gov? Extremely British in the way that Guy Ritchie eventually….well, he didn’t really perfect the form but he did distill it down to its essence. Anyway this is a solid entertainment, but enough of a downer to keep it from being the kind of antic fun crime show that has become so popular.

#75: One False Move (1992)

I think that the 90s weren’t really good for crime movies. The Usual Suspects and Tarantino’s output being exceptions (although Tarantino feels like his own category of movies, really). But the 70’s and early 80s had such great, gritty, realistic, depressing, everything sucks crimes and the 2000s went back to the “wow these guys are so coooooool” action/thriller crime extravaganzas. These in-between times gave us stuff like this and Deep Cover and The Gift – perfectly fine entertainments but the feel just doesn’t quite get there.

Up Next: So If You Don’t Rate, Just Overcompensate (Part IV)

#84: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)

The sea monsters are pretty cool. At this point Depp’s performance itself is reduced mostly to tics and mannerisms but he is clearly having so much fun that he’s very enjoyable to watch. Don’t make me try to remember what the heck the plot was though.

#82: Better Watch Out (2016)

Well done but needed to be either about 25% sweeter or 50% meaner. It doesn’t help that every obnoxious entitled little manchild reminds me of our terrible incel-driven culture right now. If you can get over that you’re likely to enjoy this more than I did.

#81: Alien: Romulus

For about two-thirds of the film this is a great example of an alien movie – turning the escape ship into a trap, separating the terrified crew, and killing most of them. You know, the basics.

But then it switches into the goddamn mythology of the whole thing and now we have alien human hybrids and devious freaking synthoids and reusing the great (and dead) Ian Holm.

Anyway, the first 2/3 are great!

#81: Freelance (2023)

Allison Brie and John Cena are very enjoyable screen presences…which is a good thing because the rest of this is caught between by-the-numbers plotting and excessive character silliness.

#80: Deep Cover (1992)

Continuing the themes of just not quite right we now have this crime thriller about Larry Fishburn as an undercover cop who was obviously going to go bad – like to the extent that any supervisor should’ve seen it coming. I mean, he was all but twirling his mustache wickedly talking about it. And then he advances up the ladder to the ultimate crime boss – Jeff Goldblum???

Look, it’s not bad, it’s actually pretty good – Fishburn makes a heck of a badass. But it’s just weird. Like if you try to think about any of it, it just doesn’t make any sense?

Up Next: So If You Don’t Rate, Just Overcompensate (Part III)

We’re creeping up the charts ladies and germs – still not to what I would call “good” movies but these are a fine time at the ‘ol’ theater (or in almost all cases sitting on the couch watching them stream).

#90: Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

On the one hand, it’s a Die Hard movie. On the other hand at this point in the franchise I’m not sure what that even means. Other than just the general fact of a very likable Bruce Willis performance and some kind of backstory continuity. Although no Bonnie Bedelia in this one and instead his daughter is all grown up now.

Good: Bruce, Timothy Olyphant digging playing a smarmy bad guy, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is always welcome, a game Justin Long.

Less Good: The plot is mostly nonsense, Maggie Q’s character makes no sense at all.

So overall it’s a fine “turn your brain off and just watch things blow up real good” flick.

#89: Marlowe (2023)

Liam Neeson has a very particular set of skills….mostly detecting and following people around.

The movie is self-consciously trying very very hard to be a throwback noir – really that’s the entire reason for the movie. Which is too bad, because if they paid a bit more attention to the mystery it could’ve been a lot of fun, but instead they spent all their effort on the style.

And hey, it’s a cool style! The movie is fun-ish, and Alan Cumming is incredible, but trying to make this look like Chinatown only makes you notice that it’s not Chinatown.

Don’t Watch This, Watch That: See How They Run is more or less everything this wants to be (although set in the ‘50s instead of the ‘20s)

#88: Hot Frosty (2024)

Yep, everything before this is worse than Hot Frosty. Let that sink in for a second.

This succeeds on two matrices: First, it vastly exceeded expectations. Second, even though it was overall pretty stupid if was a lot of fun to watch. Possibly because I knew I was watching HOT FROSTY but enjoying it.

I really knew it had me when there was a montage of the couple doing random cute things, and they baked Christmas cookies, and she bit the head off of a snowman cookie and he looked legitimately horrified.

Have to say though, not sure the guy was really that hot. I mean, yes, sure, he’s well built, but looked just kind of angularly muscular? Maybe he’s just not my type.

#87: The Parent Trap (1998)

I don’t know how extensive the casting call was but boy did they strike gold with Lindsey. She is more or less perfect in this in both roles.

Look you’ve seen this, it’s a perfectly cute movie. Definitely an improvement on the original.

#86: Ricochet (1991)

I mean, it’s Denzel and Lithgow right? And look I like the crazy, but this just takes it a scosche too far. Still fun, but a bit too silly to take it seriously enough to really grab you.

#85: Knowing (2009)

Pretty freaky mystery box movie elevated by a standard nutty Nic Cage performance. The ending kind of comes out of nowhere but is appropriately apocalyptic I guess.

Up Next: So If You Don’t Rate, Just Overcompensate (Part II)

#95: The Apology (2022)

Janeane Garofalo is barely in this, but plays a vital role in the plot, which is not generally a good thing. All the performances are good but this is essentially a two-hander and that doesn’t exactly leave room for a lot of mystery about the plot, which is supposed to be a big suspense thing.

#94: The Watchers (2024)

I told you that there was more Shyamalan to come!

No no M. Night will still be later on, but his daughter has made a solid suspenseful movie. While the ending doesn’t count as a surprise reveal like her dad’s signature, it is still kind of deflating. I dunno, I guess endings are hard? Next time maybe start with the ending and work backwards?

#93: The Visit (2015)

See? I told you!

This was Night’s back comeback IIRC, and it’s interesting – unusually, the description of the plot makes it sound much worse than it actually is. It is not a spoiler to note that something is obviously way way off with the grandparents but the tension comes from trying to figure out what it is and whether or not Night will actually let something bad happen to the kids. Pretty good quick watch.

#92: The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)

Nothing at all new plot-wise so this relies on vibes to get it across the line, and it works just well enough. To be honest, I’m not sure that Kate McKinnon is going to be a movie star – she’s obviously damn funny, but she doesn’t have the presence and chops to really be the focus of a film. I guess Hollywood has come to the same conclusion.

#91: Thanksgiving (2023)

Extremely silly quasi-satirical horror nonsense. Pretty much everyone in the cast is a suspect as this anti-capitalist funhouse – the scrabble at the store to get the goddamn cheap crap was a ton of fun. Recommended.

Up Next: So if You Don’t Rate, Just Overcompensate (Part I)

#100: The Last of Sheila (1973)

SO. VERY. 70s. Weird sexyish murder mystery among the rich and famous. Maybe a proto-White Lotus kind of thing? Filmed in that 70s way where it feels like the camera is obscuring things. Does that make sense? Does anyone else see that happening a lot in these old movies? Do you smell burning toast?

#99: Ghostwatch (1992)

Apparently this ran on the BBC as an allegedly live show and people freaked right the F out, which is just tremendous and I applaud them vigorously for it. But, you know, by 2024 movie standards….well, it’s a quality prank.

#98: The Foreigner (2017)

Silly little thing that gets by on the inherent charm of Jackie Chan and Pierce Brosnan.

#97: 6 Underground (2019)

Exactly the kind of movie that should’ve had a giant fireball exploding behind them in the scene above.

I know this got a bad rap, and look it’s not like it’s some great masterpiece but it’s fun! The giant magnet super-weapon thing is ridiculous, but the characters have meaningful distinctive quirks and it’s a pretty interesting setup and the car chases are relatively bad-ass. Tom-Bob Says Check It Out!

#96: Old (2021)

You tell ‘em, Mid-Sized Sedan! Yes that is the character’s name. Not an uninteresting setup, but Shyamalan really bungles the ending/reveal something terrible. The big secret could’ve worked in itself, but the way it was handled was so ham-handed that it really brought the whole thing down. Kind of a shame, but M. Night will be seen again on these rankings.

Up Next: It’s Always The Same, It’s Just a Shame, That’s All (Part III)